Um, hi, yeah. It's been roughly a thousand years since I posted. I was all shameless self promotion and then I went radio-silent on you guys. Sorry about that. Good reason though...more to come on that.
So I read at Barnsey. (sigh) It was like a dream come true. Picture me entering my beloved Barnsey, only to see a picture of myself and my book in the lobby. Needless to say, Big Mama Mimi lost her shit and started snapping pictures. Unfortunately, Big Mama Mimi is not the most savvy with a digital camera (Accept it mom, it's true.) but was able to get a few good photos in before security shut her down. Evidently one is not supposed to take photos in Barnsey...even if one's face is plastered on posters everywhere and clearly has an over-stimulated family in tow. But I digress...
I get downstairs where two lovely ladies show me to the green room. The GREEN ROOM! As in the "green room" that famous people refer to before they go on stage or whatever. It had two big squashy chairs, a small desk, a stack of copies of my book, some gloriously delicious new Sharpies and more water than I should have probably consumed prior to standing in front of a good sized group of people with no bathroom in sight. I chatted with a few people and then practiced reading my passage for the kajillioneth time. (If you are curious, I chose to read the section about the Great Paper Capers in which my Super Colleagues and I stealthily sneak down to the school basement to steal. I chose this part because it is a) hilarious, b) was not filled with curse words or various forms of the word "douche" and c) did I mention hilarious?)
And yes, I was able to get on stage just fine wearing my fabulously high high-heeled shoes. I think I actually saw a couple of people sneak a close up of the shoes....
When I first stood at the podium, I was all cotton mouth and stammery. I'm not sure if the sweat running down my back was noticeable, but I'm praying that people were again focused on the shoes rather than my large puddle of rapidly accumulating sweat droplets. However, I took a deep breath, focused on my fabulously supportive Super Colleagues seated in the front row and began. And, as soon as I started to read out loud, I felt a million times better.
I was in my element.
Have I mentioned before that I heart reading out loud? And when people laugh at me? Granted there were far fewer turn-and-talks and I didn't have to stop to tell Curly to stop poking Bubbles, but whatever. I was reading out loud yet again to a fairly captive audience. And I loved every second. (P.S. Word on the street is that it might appear on Barnsey's website. It isn't up yet as far as I know, but I'll keep you posted.)
After I finished reading, there was a question and answer period. And guess what?!? No really...guess!
You'll never get it...
...in a million years...
SOMEONE SENT A NARC! PLANTED A HATER!
For real.
Now, I happen to know who sent this little, um, "birdie" but only because I am quick on my feet (and addicted to Facebook). However, their identity is not important.
What IS important is that this person had several nastily worded and very pointed questions all written out in advance. Evidently, hating me has consumed a large portion of their time. In all fairness, this person never truly strayed into the inappropriate - there was no swearing, finger pointing or yelling, but still....girlfriend worked it to get her point across. (And if she's reading this now, is probably going nuts that I just referred to her as "girlfriend.")
At first, I was pissed. But you know what? Everyone has a right to their opinion and I think I handled her fairly well...especially when she implied that I was "high on my horse" (probably true) and that I was "mocking people" (um, it's a satire.) All in all, it's kind of hot to spark up a debate. Maybe I can add "controversial" to my resume....along with "hip and hilarious" and "fresh and relevant." Ooo...and then she put the cherry on top of her attack sundae by going on Amazon and writing two very nasty reviews of my book. (Feel free to check those little gems out and to write a little rebuttal-poo if you are so moved.)
I think the best part of all this was that Barnsey security picked up on the negative vibes and was on me like white on rice. Seriously, I had the lovely head of security by my side for the remainder of the event. They even escorted me up the stairs (um, it was like real bad ass, y'all...) and out to a cab.
From there I went to a fabulous party thrown by the amazing Mr. Mimi (He could totally use that for a circus act name, now that I type it...has a certain ring to it...) where I hung out with the always supportive people from Kaplan, my rock star agent, every last Super Colleague and my phenomenal girl friends. It was a great night...thank you so much for sharing it with me.
(Oh, and totally won't wait three weeks between posts again.)
Friday, November 6, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
A Few Of My Favorite Things (a.k.a. High Heeled Shoes and Barnsey)
I mean, does it get any better? Although, before we continue here, I would like to briefly address those naysayers who have knocked me for talking about my shoes. Evidently some find it difficult to believe that an elementary school teacher would consistently wear high heels to work. Believe it, people. However, although I made it my own priority to wear fabulous shoes that made me feel good about myself at work, I never discussed, mocked or really even looked at the shoes of my colleagues. So, dear naysayers, may I suggest you continue to wear your shoes and I will continue to wear mine.
Now, speaking of shoes....here are the shoes I wore to the Leonard Lopate show on Wednesday. Apparently, my reputation proceeds me because the first thing Mr. Lopate did upon meeting me was comment upon my shoes. He thought they would be red. Sorry to disappoint Mr. Lopate, but I went with purple. (Which ended up being a fabulous choice because they matched my microphone. Hey, I was looking for anything to calm my nerves, people. It was my first time on the radio.)
And here, my friends, here are the shoes that I will be wearing this evening, when I read aloud from my very own book at (clutching chest here) Barnsey.
Yes, yes, I know they are open toed. And I also know that it is approximately 42 degrees outside. But Barnsey is not outside and I just couldn't resist. They are some of my most special-est shoes. (Again, I take advantage of the perks that come with being an author, namely making up my own words.)
Although honestly, I'm more excited to read out loud to a group of people than I am to wear my fabulous shoes. Shoes may be my guilty little pleasures, but read alouds are my crack. Oh read alouds I HAVE MISSED YOU. The dramatic pauses, the voices, the laughter! You see, I was doing well with this whole not teaching thing, but lately, I miss my friends. I don't really miss the data collection, the filing, the pee holding or inhaling my lunch in four minutes or less, but I do miss reading out loud to my friends.
Picture it. I had this fabulous red chair in my classroom. It was a classic old wing chair that belonged to my grandmother. It was super comfy and had so many memories wrapped up in it. My friends would sit on the carpet in front of my chair, surrounded by books and all the fabulous kid stuff that fills classrooms. (See, I really do miss it in the classroom. Last year, I would have bitched about all the crap on my floor. The erasers, the scraps of paper, the stray hair accessories...but now *sigh* I miss it.) Reading books together was like our therapy. Whenever I felt overwhelmed or that the vibe was off in the room, we would stop whatever we were doing, gather on the rug and read a story. I must have read three or four books/chapters out loud every day. We were read-a-holics.
So while tonight won't quite be the same (in case you were wondering, I will not be bringing out my full range of voices or entire repertoire of comedic gestures....those are for the children), it will at least let me read out loud again without Mr. Mimi giving me strange looks across the living room.
A few deets (and then we will be done with the shameless and never ending self promotion...at least for a bit):
Barnes and Noble
150 East 86th Street (btw Lex and 3rd)
7:00 p.m.
My shoes and I will both be there. Hope you are too.
Now, speaking of shoes....here are the shoes I wore to the Leonard Lopate show on Wednesday. Apparently, my reputation proceeds me because the first thing Mr. Lopate did upon meeting me was comment upon my shoes. He thought they would be red. Sorry to disappoint Mr. Lopate, but I went with purple. (Which ended up being a fabulous choice because they matched my microphone. Hey, I was looking for anything to calm my nerves, people. It was my first time on the radio.)
And here, my friends, here are the shoes that I will be wearing this evening, when I read aloud from my very own book at (clutching chest here) Barnsey.
Yes, yes, I know they are open toed. And I also know that it is approximately 42 degrees outside. But Barnsey is not outside and I just couldn't resist. They are some of my most special-est shoes. (Again, I take advantage of the perks that come with being an author, namely making up my own words.)
Although honestly, I'm more excited to read out loud to a group of people than I am to wear my fabulous shoes. Shoes may be my guilty little pleasures, but read alouds are my crack. Oh read alouds I HAVE MISSED YOU. The dramatic pauses, the voices, the laughter! You see, I was doing well with this whole not teaching thing, but lately, I miss my friends. I don't really miss the data collection, the filing, the pee holding or inhaling my lunch in four minutes or less, but I do miss reading out loud to my friends.
Picture it. I had this fabulous red chair in my classroom. It was a classic old wing chair that belonged to my grandmother. It was super comfy and had so many memories wrapped up in it. My friends would sit on the carpet in front of my chair, surrounded by books and all the fabulous kid stuff that fills classrooms. (See, I really do miss it in the classroom. Last year, I would have bitched about all the crap on my floor. The erasers, the scraps of paper, the stray hair accessories...but now *sigh* I miss it.) Reading books together was like our therapy. Whenever I felt overwhelmed or that the vibe was off in the room, we would stop whatever we were doing, gather on the rug and read a story. I must have read three or four books/chapters out loud every day. We were read-a-holics.
So while tonight won't quite be the same (in case you were wondering, I will not be bringing out my full range of voices or entire repertoire of comedic gestures....those are for the children), it will at least let me read out loud again without Mr. Mimi giving me strange looks across the living room.
A few deets (and then we will be done with the shameless and never ending self promotion...at least for a bit):
Barnes and Noble
150 East 86th Street (btw Lex and 3rd)
7:00 p.m.
My shoes and I will both be there. Hope you are too.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Someone's Gonna Be On the Radio Tomorrow...
...And that someone is ME!
Yes, I will be on the radio (wearing fabulous heels even though you won't be able to see them) with none other than Mr. Leonard Lopate of the aptly named Leonard Lopate show on WNYC (93.9 fm or am 820).
Here's a blurb about Mr. Lopate and his show directly from his website:
"Host Leonard Lopate lets you in on the best conversations with writers, actors, ex-presidents, dancers, scientists, comedians, historians, grammarians, curators, filmmakers, and do-it-yourself experts. Live interaction is critical to Lopate's conversational and personal style. "I think it's crucial to maintain eye contact when you're discussing complex matters with the likes of John Updike, Doris Lessing, Bill Bradley, Mark Morris, and Francis Ford Coppola, all of whom are return guests to Leonard Lopate on WNYC, " says Lopate."
Um, Francis Ford Coppola? John Updike? And now...Mrs. Mimi?? Oh, and if you look at the roster of his most recent shows (also available via free podcasts if you aren't in the NYC area or can't tune in from approximately 1:00-1:20 p.m. tomorrow) it includes people such as Joyce Carol Oates, and Jeannette Walls, just to name a few.
Those are real authors people!
I guess this makes me a real author. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I have a book available at my local Barnsey and it is also for sale over at Amazon but still....I AM A TEACHER! Evidently, now I get to say, "Hi, my name is Mrs. Mimi. I'm a teacher and an author."
Well ha cha cha for me.
(And for those of you who are thinking, "Well if she's an author now, then where the heck are her blog posts?" ...you are completely justified. I have a list friends, oh yes. I have a list of potential blog posts and they are a'comin'. However, I also had a list of Crap I Need To Get Done For My Dissertation, which is stapled to a print out of my student loans and thusly, I had to prioritize. Sorry....)
Long story short, listen to me on the radio tomorrow and keep your fingers crossed that I sound witty and intelligent. Send me all the Fabulous Vibes you can.
Yes, I will be on the radio (wearing fabulous heels even though you won't be able to see them) with none other than Mr. Leonard Lopate of the aptly named Leonard Lopate show on WNYC (93.9 fm or am 820).
Here's a blurb about Mr. Lopate and his show directly from his website:
"Host Leonard Lopate lets you in on the best conversations with writers, actors, ex-presidents, dancers, scientists, comedians, historians, grammarians, curators, filmmakers, and do-it-yourself experts. Live interaction is critical to Lopate's conversational and personal style. "I think it's crucial to maintain eye contact when you're discussing complex matters with the likes of John Updike, Doris Lessing, Bill Bradley, Mark Morris, and Francis Ford Coppola, all of whom are return guests to Leonard Lopate on WNYC, " says Lopate."
Um, Francis Ford Coppola? John Updike? And now...Mrs. Mimi?? Oh, and if you look at the roster of his most recent shows (also available via free podcasts if you aren't in the NYC area or can't tune in from approximately 1:00-1:20 p.m. tomorrow) it includes people such as Joyce Carol Oates, and Jeannette Walls, just to name a few.
Those are real authors people!
I guess this makes me a real author. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I have a book available at my local Barnsey and it is also for sale over at Amazon but still....I AM A TEACHER! Evidently, now I get to say, "Hi, my name is Mrs. Mimi. I'm a teacher and an author."
Well ha cha cha for me.
(And for those of you who are thinking, "Well if she's an author now, then where the heck are her blog posts?" ...you are completely justified. I have a list friends, oh yes. I have a list of potential blog posts and they are a'comin'. However, I also had a list of Crap I Need To Get Done For My Dissertation, which is stapled to a print out of my student loans and thusly, I had to prioritize. Sorry....)
Long story short, listen to me on the radio tomorrow and keep your fingers crossed that I sound witty and intelligent. Send me all the Fabulous Vibes you can.
Monday, October 5, 2009
If You Gave Us More Time...Teachers Could Rule the World
Seriously. Teachers deserve some serious props for what they are able to get done during the day. (Chorus of "Amens", "You go on, girl!" "Tell it to them sister!" in the background here.)
The other day, I went to visit my girlfriend in the hospital after she had her baby. (Who is fabulously gorgeous.) (Note: Not being in the classroom provides one with something called "flexibility." This term applies mainly to one's time and how one goes about structuring one's day. If you are teaching right now, you may only understand this term as it is hissed at you to "be more flexible"...usually after some out-of-the-classroom someone has just made a ridiculous demand on your time. It is important to note that YOU are the only one being flexible and must therefore bend your needs and schedule to match someone else's agenda. I get it. After all, I spent eight years "being flexible" and it basically left me contorted beyond recognition. So this new found ability to be flexible with my time is, well, it's fabulous.) Back to my girlfriend. She already had her Blackberry out and was texting away, making calls and getting everything in order at home. Jokingly, I said to her, "Dude, you could rule the world with that thing," because, you know, she just had a BABY but was still on top of her game. And she was all, "You are insane. You've got a million things on your plate too."
And she's right. I do have a million things. I've got a (gulp) dissertation that needs finishing. (Anyone interested?) I've got a website to get together. I've got a "writing career" that needs tending to. I've got two classes to finish this semester. I've got some consulting on the side...you know, so I'm not out of the game all together. (I need a classroom fix from time to time and so far, this seems to be doing the trick.) I have reading to do, writing to do...SO MANY TO DOs! While I am in listing heaven, I also feel a bit all over the place. Too many balls in the air, so to speak, which can make it hard to be productive.
Yet when I was in the classroom, oh when I was IN THE CLASSROOM...there was no stopping me! None! I had all my balls in the air and was juggling like a fool! (Somewhere Mr. Mimi's head is exploding after I typed that line. Just keeping it real.) My Super Colleagues and I could have ran the freaking world if we wanted to, we were so productive. Seriously, we would run into one another getting off the subway and walk the remaining few blocks together, sipping coffee, talking about Grey's and you know, sauntering. We'd get to the building, sashay to the office, get our mail and then BAM! It was like a bell went off - we were MOVING. I mean, WORKING IT. That cup of coffee got put down and we were making copies, checking the calendar, getting last minute supplies together, frantically finishing said cup of coffee, dealing with emails, tidying up the dreaded piles that seemed to appear all over the classroom and oh yeah, don't forget watering the plants, vacuuming the carpet, sharpening pencils and getting the homework ready to go home. (insert heavy breathing here...I'm exhausted just typing this...HOW DID I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!) And people, I'm just talking about the morning. Before the kids. Before. The. Kids. Because then the kids actually arrive and it's go time. Go. Time. I mean, yeah, I always had a yogurt out on the back table that was totally intended to be my breakfast but did I ever get to it? Uh, no.
Do you have any idea how much crap I used to get done before noon? Or even, before lunch? (Which of course was really more like a late breakfast considering we ate at 11:00 because for some reason elementary schools tend to have a very odd sense of appropriate meal times.) If we could harness the productivity of a teacher, even on a bad day, we could have something. A new philosophy for the workplace! A better plan for getting things accomplished as a country! An alternative energy source even! Who knows what we could do with the as yet untapped potential of today's teacher? (insert me stepping down from soap box)
Okay. I'm off to channel my teacher self. I have a lot to get done today. I don't know why, but somehow doing so many things for so many little friends was a bit easier than doing all these things just for myself.
The other day, I went to visit my girlfriend in the hospital after she had her baby. (Who is fabulously gorgeous.) (Note: Not being in the classroom provides one with something called "flexibility." This term applies mainly to one's time and how one goes about structuring one's day. If you are teaching right now, you may only understand this term as it is hissed at you to "be more flexible"...usually after some out-of-the-classroom someone has just made a ridiculous demand on your time. It is important to note that YOU are the only one being flexible and must therefore bend your needs and schedule to match someone else's agenda. I get it. After all, I spent eight years "being flexible" and it basically left me contorted beyond recognition. So this new found ability to be flexible with my time is, well, it's fabulous.) Back to my girlfriend. She already had her Blackberry out and was texting away, making calls and getting everything in order at home. Jokingly, I said to her, "Dude, you could rule the world with that thing," because, you know, she just had a BABY but was still on top of her game. And she was all, "You are insane. You've got a million things on your plate too."
And she's right. I do have a million things. I've got a (gulp) dissertation that needs finishing. (Anyone interested?) I've got a website to get together. I've got a "writing career" that needs tending to. I've got two classes to finish this semester. I've got some consulting on the side...you know, so I'm not out of the game all together. (I need a classroom fix from time to time and so far, this seems to be doing the trick.) I have reading to do, writing to do...SO MANY TO DOs! While I am in listing heaven, I also feel a bit all over the place. Too many balls in the air, so to speak, which can make it hard to be productive.
Yet when I was in the classroom, oh when I was IN THE CLASSROOM...there was no stopping me! None! I had all my balls in the air and was juggling like a fool! (Somewhere Mr. Mimi's head is exploding after I typed that line. Just keeping it real.) My Super Colleagues and I could have ran the freaking world if we wanted to, we were so productive. Seriously, we would run into one another getting off the subway and walk the remaining few blocks together, sipping coffee, talking about Grey's and you know, sauntering. We'd get to the building, sashay to the office, get our mail and then BAM! It was like a bell went off - we were MOVING. I mean, WORKING IT. That cup of coffee got put down and we were making copies, checking the calendar, getting last minute supplies together, frantically finishing said cup of coffee, dealing with emails, tidying up the dreaded piles that seemed to appear all over the classroom and oh yeah, don't forget watering the plants, vacuuming the carpet, sharpening pencils and getting the homework ready to go home. (insert heavy breathing here...I'm exhausted just typing this...HOW DID I DO THIS EVERY DAY?!) And people, I'm just talking about the morning. Before the kids. Before. The. Kids. Because then the kids actually arrive and it's go time. Go. Time. I mean, yeah, I always had a yogurt out on the back table that was totally intended to be my breakfast but did I ever get to it? Uh, no.
Do you have any idea how much crap I used to get done before noon? Or even, before lunch? (Which of course was really more like a late breakfast considering we ate at 11:00 because for some reason elementary schools tend to have a very odd sense of appropriate meal times.) If we could harness the productivity of a teacher, even on a bad day, we could have something. A new philosophy for the workplace! A better plan for getting things accomplished as a country! An alternative energy source even! Who knows what we could do with the as yet untapped potential of today's teacher? (insert me stepping down from soap box)
Okay. I'm off to channel my teacher self. I have a lot to get done today. I don't know why, but somehow doing so many things for so many little friends was a bit easier than doing all these things just for myself.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Photocopier Continues To Haunt (Taunt?) Me
Seriously. I thought that when I left my school that all of my photocopying and printing woes would be behind me. Alas, I was wrong. As I usually am in these cases. I have told my tales of copying woe before (here and here to be exact) and can't believe that I have another one to share with you today.
I mean, isn't it enough that for seven years SEVEN YEARS the photocopier was capable of sending me into a rage I still can't quite put into words? What IS it about the photocopier? It got so bad at one point that Grandpa Mimi offered to BUY ME a photocopier. BUY ME A PHOTOCOPIER! I knew it must be really bad because my family is certainly not one to throw money at a problem (more like half a coat of deck stain...it'll fix anything) and photocopiers don't just grow on trees, ya know. (They eat trees.) (Hundreds of them.) (Shhh.) (I think they're watching me...)
How bad could it have gotten you ask? I mean, I'm only imagining that evil photocopiers and printers have now followed me out of the workplace, so yeah, it was THAT BAD. I'm talking you fill out the stupid little form requesting a copy, put it on the pile and then somehow the book disappears (Bye, bye original!), no one has any idea where it could be and oh yeah, those other copies you asked for are totally going to take longer than they thought. Or, how about you recieve 25 homework packets in a timely fashion, yet the top page (you know, the one with all the assignments and stuff) was photocopied at a wierd angle so now 35% of it is cut off but heck yeah that mistake was reproduced 25 times. Oh, and the third page? That's missing. And the whole thing was collated on the right hand side - not a tragedy - but enough to make you think that you may be on candid camera because it definitely feels like someone is fucking with you. This can't be real. It can't be this hard.
So THEN (because there's more) you walk your little self and your big stack of copies-to-be-made to the far distant corner of the school (read: universe) where the photocopier you ARE allowed to touch (read: the photocopier from 1974) is located. You lovingly call this part of the school Siberia. It's that far. You are ready to make this look easy. You have your originals, your list (always need a list) and your stack of paper. You insert the first copy to be made and paper jam. PAPER FREAKING JAM! Fantasizing about that scene from Office Space where Neil Diamond or whatever his name is, goes apeshit on a photocopier with a baseball bat in a field, you go back to your classroom and put your head down. Just for a moment. To rest your eyes.
Do I paint an accurate picture friends?
Call me crazy, but as I sobbed my way out of the building on my last day (It was so hard to say good bye to my little friends), I comforted myself with the thought that I would never again have to deal with ridiculous photo copiers or a lack of toner. (Don't even get me started on toner. This post is long enough...just click here.
And then today happened. I went to Staples to print out a very long, very crucial piece of my dissertation. 251 pages of blood, sweat and tears (mostly tears) to be exact. (And no, I'm not finished yet.) I mean, that's just too much to print at home, right? I'm standing at the counter, dreaming about waiting for my order whilst drooling in the Sharpie aisle when I realize...I have been standing here for twenty freaking minutes. (I am trying to curse less...not sure why, just seems like a good goal.) Um, Staples, hast thou forgotten my devotion to thee? Me thinks you have.
In a huff, I take my thumb drive and I'm off to Kinkos. For I am a woman of surprises, a woman of mystery! I get myself to the counter where I am told it is $0.49 a page. Which would mean that copying my document would cost roughly $125. Plus tax.
Back to Staples I went.
Where I waited.
Got some help.
Waited some more.
And was so frustrated that I couldn't even look at the Sharpies.
I mean, isn't it enough that for seven years SEVEN YEARS the photocopier was capable of sending me into a rage I still can't quite put into words? What IS it about the photocopier? It got so bad at one point that Grandpa Mimi offered to BUY ME a photocopier. BUY ME A PHOTOCOPIER! I knew it must be really bad because my family is certainly not one to throw money at a problem (more like half a coat of deck stain...it'll fix anything) and photocopiers don't just grow on trees, ya know. (They eat trees.) (Hundreds of them.) (Shhh.) (I think they're watching me...)
How bad could it have gotten you ask? I mean, I'm only imagining that evil photocopiers and printers have now followed me out of the workplace, so yeah, it was THAT BAD. I'm talking you fill out the stupid little form requesting a copy, put it on the pile and then somehow the book disappears (Bye, bye original!), no one has any idea where it could be and oh yeah, those other copies you asked for are totally going to take longer than they thought. Or, how about you recieve 25 homework packets in a timely fashion, yet the top page (you know, the one with all the assignments and stuff) was photocopied at a wierd angle so now 35% of it is cut off but heck yeah that mistake was reproduced 25 times. Oh, and the third page? That's missing. And the whole thing was collated on the right hand side - not a tragedy - but enough to make you think that you may be on candid camera because it definitely feels like someone is fucking with you. This can't be real. It can't be this hard.
So THEN (because there's more) you walk your little self and your big stack of copies-to-be-made to the far distant corner of the school (read: universe) where the photocopier you ARE allowed to touch (read: the photocopier from 1974) is located. You lovingly call this part of the school Siberia. It's that far. You are ready to make this look easy. You have your originals, your list (always need a list) and your stack of paper. You insert the first copy to be made and paper jam. PAPER FREAKING JAM! Fantasizing about that scene from Office Space where Neil Diamond or whatever his name is, goes apeshit on a photocopier with a baseball bat in a field, you go back to your classroom and put your head down. Just for a moment. To rest your eyes.
Do I paint an accurate picture friends?
Call me crazy, but as I sobbed my way out of the building on my last day (It was so hard to say good bye to my little friends), I comforted myself with the thought that I would never again have to deal with ridiculous photo copiers or a lack of toner. (Don't even get me started on toner. This post is long enough...just click here.
And then today happened. I went to Staples to print out a very long, very crucial piece of my dissertation. 251 pages of blood, sweat and tears (mostly tears) to be exact. (And no, I'm not finished yet.) I mean, that's just too much to print at home, right? I'm standing at the counter, dreaming about waiting for my order whilst drooling in the Sharpie aisle when I realize...I have been standing here for twenty freaking minutes. (I am trying to curse less...not sure why, just seems like a good goal.) Um, Staples, hast thou forgotten my devotion to thee? Me thinks you have.
In a huff, I take my thumb drive and I'm off to Kinkos. For I am a woman of surprises, a woman of mystery! I get myself to the counter where I am told it is $0.49 a page. Which would mean that copying my document would cost roughly $125. Plus tax.
Back to Staples I went.
Where I waited.
Got some help.
Waited some more.
And was so frustrated that I couldn't even look at the Sharpies.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I Hope You're Sitting Down...
...because I have something to tell you. And I'm really hoping you'll understand, since I haven't known exactly how to tell you all. However, as I say to my friends, "Honesty is the best policy." Granted this is something that I usually say through gritted teeth as I'm investigating the latest case of Who-Hit-Who-First and I know I'm being lied to. That's where you pull out the classic, "You know, if you hit someone, you will be in trouble because that's not okay. But if you hit someone and then lie about it AND I find out, which I will, then you'll be in more trouble and have lost my trust." Yea, that speech is an oldie but a goodie.
I'm just going to come out and say it. Just like that.
I'm not teaching this year.
There. I said it. Do you hate me? Am I still in trouble? (If I was I ever in trouble to begin with?)
But know this. I am a teacher. (Let me say that again, a little bit louder now.) I. Am. A. Teacher. (I feel a little like I should be ripping apart my break away shirt to reveal a fabulous super hero outfit with a giant T for Teacher in a bold red on my chest. Very Wonder Woman. And very fabulous.) I will always be a teacher. And I have every intention of teaching again. Every. Intention.
Let me explain my decision because it's not just about the book. (What book you ask? Why click here and see for yourself!) (Dazzling smile.)
I had decided some time ago, before the book came out...and really if I'm honest, before the book was even a possibility, that perhaps it was time for me to move on. You see, I learned a tremendous amount at my old school and met some amazing people. Honestly. I just didn't blog about all that as often because, well, it wasn't that funny. Just fabulous. And then of course, there were my friends, or as I like to call them The Biggest Reasons I Stayed. But despite all the fabulousness, all the learning and all my friends I could feel myself getting angry, frustrated and just blah. (There's a concise word for you.) Because all the other stuff that I blogged about did happen and I was terrified that I would turn into a bitter, angry teacher. Actually, starting the blog helped me to stay longer and learn even more. It was a way for me to vent, to get it out and to refrain from poking myself in the eye. Clearly, I am struggling for words to express myself, but there was just this feeling - perhaps some of you know what I am talking about - that it was time to go.
ALSO....because as always my reasoning is multi-faceted and long winded....Mr. Mimi and I thought we were moving. How could I start a school year, meet all those little friends and then leave them? I knew I couldn't do that.
AND THEN....yes, there's more...I'm also in graduate school pursuing my doctorate. (Very fancy pants, I know. Lots of suede elbow patches and Victrola playing in my house.) (Not really.) (More like lots of staying in my pajamas all weekend desperately trying to complete all my coursework with occasional bursts of Jay Z inspired dance parties to celebrate the completion of a chapter.) (Again, it's all about honesty today, isn't it?) I am officially in the home stretch or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I am fortunate enough to be able to take a year (and my book advance) away from the classroom to focus and finish. And people, I NEED to finish. Mr. Mimi NEEDS me to finish. My sanity NEEDS me to finish...
OH RIGHT...the book. There was that too. I have created some rather colorful characters. And as I've said before, I've only ever shown one side to these characters...the side I think you'll think is funny. Sure, I've taken a few liberties here and there to make things funnier because I know at the end of a hard day, we can all use a good laugh. My intention was always to mock the system, the ridiculousness, the drama that plagues us all (no matter where we teach) and not the individual people. But I know some feelings have been hurt - word gets around pretty fast, you know. And for that I'm sorry. And please don't hit me. In fact, I considered titling this post "Can't We All Just Get Along?" because I'm quickly finding out that the answer is no. No, we can't. Not all the time.
So there you have it. It's all out in the open and I hope I haven't let you down. I do intend to continue blogging. Let me say that again. I WILL KEEP BLOGGING! My readers and commenters and emailers (I'm a writer now, I can make up words from time to time.) have been amazing, have kept me going and have inspired me to continue to speak up for teachers everywhere using my own experiences. Hearing your stories and words of encouragement have made me realize that I wasn't alone. And, perhaps sadly, that some of the problems I was facing weren't just problems I was having because sometimes I can have a bad attitude (it's true) but rather they were problems that plague many schools. (This would be another cool place for me to rip away clothes and show off my super hero costume. Really, that's a great way to punctuate a speech. Note to self - find seamstress who is able to work with spandex.)
I knew this day was coming, so I saved a ton of juicy fun stories off to the side just to tide us all over. Hilarity still to come! And now that my secret is out, probably more regularly! (Oh, and don't worry, I won't start posting about my cat, what I had for dinner or that lady who took the last bunch of flowers from my favorite guy at the farmer's market.) (Unless you really want me to and even then, I'm still not sure how I feel about that.)
OOo...and as a bonus side project (because I am the Queen of taking on more and more and more until my plate is officially at capacity) I am working on developing a Mrs. Mimi website for teachers. Very Mrs. Mimi, very informational, very fabulous. Seriously, it will become the place you go for teaching, learning, sharing and feeling fabulous. FABULOUS. I will keep you posted on this development for sure. Watch out internet, here I come!
Let me wrap this up (I KNOW! Finally, right?) by saying that I AM A TEACHER and I love all my Super Colleagues - those with whom I've worked and all of you out there who I write for. (Pretty sure that sentence could have been structured better...shouldn't end with "for". Let's see - those with whom I've worked and all of you out there for whom I write. There, that's better.) I WILL TEACH AGAIN - Mrs. Mimi is no quitter and I have no intention of quitting all of you.
Blog, I just can't seem to quit you.
(Okay, taking a deep breath and hitting "Publish Post" Don't quit me. Or hit me for that matter.)
I'm just going to come out and say it. Just like that.
I'm not teaching this year.
There. I said it. Do you hate me? Am I still in trouble? (If I was I ever in trouble to begin with?)
But know this. I am a teacher. (Let me say that again, a little bit louder now.) I. Am. A. Teacher. (I feel a little like I should be ripping apart my break away shirt to reveal a fabulous super hero outfit with a giant T for Teacher in a bold red on my chest. Very Wonder Woman. And very fabulous.) I will always be a teacher. And I have every intention of teaching again. Every. Intention.
Let me explain my decision because it's not just about the book. (What book you ask? Why click here and see for yourself!) (Dazzling smile.)
I had decided some time ago, before the book came out...and really if I'm honest, before the book was even a possibility, that perhaps it was time for me to move on. You see, I learned a tremendous amount at my old school and met some amazing people. Honestly. I just didn't blog about all that as often because, well, it wasn't that funny. Just fabulous. And then of course, there were my friends, or as I like to call them The Biggest Reasons I Stayed. But despite all the fabulousness, all the learning and all my friends I could feel myself getting angry, frustrated and just blah. (There's a concise word for you.) Because all the other stuff that I blogged about did happen and I was terrified that I would turn into a bitter, angry teacher. Actually, starting the blog helped me to stay longer and learn even more. It was a way for me to vent, to get it out and to refrain from poking myself in the eye. Clearly, I am struggling for words to express myself, but there was just this feeling - perhaps some of you know what I am talking about - that it was time to go.
ALSO....because as always my reasoning is multi-faceted and long winded....Mr. Mimi and I thought we were moving. How could I start a school year, meet all those little friends and then leave them? I knew I couldn't do that.
AND THEN....yes, there's more...I'm also in graduate school pursuing my doctorate. (Very fancy pants, I know. Lots of suede elbow patches and Victrola playing in my house.) (Not really.) (More like lots of staying in my pajamas all weekend desperately trying to complete all my coursework with occasional bursts of Jay Z inspired dance parties to celebrate the completion of a chapter.) (Again, it's all about honesty today, isn't it?) I am officially in the home stretch or at least that's what I'm telling myself. I am fortunate enough to be able to take a year (and my book advance) away from the classroom to focus and finish. And people, I NEED to finish. Mr. Mimi NEEDS me to finish. My sanity NEEDS me to finish...
OH RIGHT...the book. There was that too. I have created some rather colorful characters. And as I've said before, I've only ever shown one side to these characters...the side I think you'll think is funny. Sure, I've taken a few liberties here and there to make things funnier because I know at the end of a hard day, we can all use a good laugh. My intention was always to mock the system, the ridiculousness, the drama that plagues us all (no matter where we teach) and not the individual people. But I know some feelings have been hurt - word gets around pretty fast, you know. And for that I'm sorry. And please don't hit me. In fact, I considered titling this post "Can't We All Just Get Along?" because I'm quickly finding out that the answer is no. No, we can't. Not all the time.
So there you have it. It's all out in the open and I hope I haven't let you down. I do intend to continue blogging. Let me say that again. I WILL KEEP BLOGGING! My readers and commenters and emailers (I'm a writer now, I can make up words from time to time.) have been amazing, have kept me going and have inspired me to continue to speak up for teachers everywhere using my own experiences. Hearing your stories and words of encouragement have made me realize that I wasn't alone. And, perhaps sadly, that some of the problems I was facing weren't just problems I was having because sometimes I can have a bad attitude (it's true) but rather they were problems that plague many schools. (This would be another cool place for me to rip away clothes and show off my super hero costume. Really, that's a great way to punctuate a speech. Note to self - find seamstress who is able to work with spandex.)
I knew this day was coming, so I saved a ton of juicy fun stories off to the side just to tide us all over. Hilarity still to come! And now that my secret is out, probably more regularly! (Oh, and don't worry, I won't start posting about my cat, what I had for dinner or that lady who took the last bunch of flowers from my favorite guy at the farmer's market.) (Unless you really want me to and even then, I'm still not sure how I feel about that.)
OOo...and as a bonus side project (because I am the Queen of taking on more and more and more until my plate is officially at capacity) I am working on developing a Mrs. Mimi website for teachers. Very Mrs. Mimi, very informational, very fabulous. Seriously, it will become the place you go for teaching, learning, sharing and feeling fabulous. FABULOUS. I will keep you posted on this development for sure. Watch out internet, here I come!
Let me wrap this up (I KNOW! Finally, right?) by saying that I AM A TEACHER and I love all my Super Colleagues - those with whom I've worked and all of you out there who I write for. (Pretty sure that sentence could have been structured better...shouldn't end with "for". Let's see - those with whom I've worked and all of you out there for whom I write. There, that's better.) I WILL TEACH AGAIN - Mrs. Mimi is no quitter and I have no intention of quitting all of you.
Blog, I just can't seem to quit you.
(Okay, taking a deep breath and hitting "Publish Post" Don't quit me. Or hit me for that matter.)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
My Biological Teacher Clock is A'Tickin'
And before you get all excited, no, in my book a biological teacher clock does not equal anything baby related...I'm just saying it's kind of the same thing, right?
Right?
Okay, let me explain my thinking. You see, you spend the beginning of the summer just relaxing (read: laying face down on the couch watching whatever comes on the television after The Today Show because you lack the energy to even lift the remote). Or at least I do...and if you're honest with yourself, I think you do too. This is a very necessary step in one's Recovery From The Previous Year. For me, it feels a bit like my early twenties (I'm going with this whole biological clock analogy thing...please, try to keep up...you know how I love to beat any sort of analogy/metaphor/image to death by NOW) when I knew that some sort of future awaited me in education, but it seemed all really far away...you know, in the world of Bills and Responsibility which I was fortunate enough to avoid until after college.
Then, as summer chugs along, you get to the point where you realize you should probably DO SOMETHING with your time off and presto! Out come the To Do Lists. How I love me a good To Do List filled with grand plans of organizational genius! I think I might be blushing just thinking about it! Anyhow, you realize you should do something and start frantically making plans for all your Big Projects. You list all sorts of things that you Should Have Gotten Done During The School Year but whatever, we all know those sorts of promises are almost impossible to keep. It's like my mid to late twenties - I went and got a masters degree, started teaching, went back to school for my doctorate...I mean, if that's not similar to frantically listing things like "Clean curtains" and "Make doctor's appts", I don't know what is. I was like a crazy person on a mission to educate the shit out of myself and anyone I came in contact with.
Finally, it's the end of the summer. You notice that it starts getting darker a bit earlier. Every major office supply store has commercials with joyful parents shopping for Back To School. Most of your Summer To Do List is complete, and you rationalized that the rest of the list can go screw itself because it's the end of the summer and you need to ENJOY YOURSELF. But, in the midst of all this enjoyment (read: cocktails, back to school shopping and sleeping late), you feel like something is missing. Perhaps it's the cool heft of a stapler in your hand, or the multi colored beauty that is a planner filled with big ideas and our beloved post it notes or maybe it's the sound of all your friends laughing at your latest read aloud. (Was that last one too shmaltzy? It felt a little too "awwwww" for me, but I threw it out there anyway. Admit it - you miss the kiddos!) If you admit that you've had this feeling, than you know what I mean when I say your Biological Teacher Clock is ticking.
So know we're BACK! And even though we all love to bitch and moan about going back and oh, my alarm clock and I hate commuting, and is it always this much work...we also love getting back to it because we are ready. And we are addicted to school. And maybe office supplies, but that could just be me. Whatever, we are stapled, papered, labeled, planned and back-up planned. We have mapped out bathroom policies, homework routines and read alouds. We have a vision of the first few weeks, a plan for the rest of the fall, a goal for where we are going. We have a PURPOSE! (insert fist pumping and high-fiving here)
In honor of the FIRST DAY BACK for many of us and in the name of BEING PREPARED (Because I learned pretty quickly to have a back up plan for the back up plan and so many tricks in my tool belt that it was ridiculous...not one moment was to go unplanned or unattended! Although really, what's with the tool belt metaphor? Like that would ever match my fabulous back to school outfit...), I have a fun story from my first year when I was, well, not prepared. (I know, can you even imagine? Me? Not prepared....insanity! But it happened...once.)
I should have known it wasn't going to go well after spending several hours crying over pencils - how to handle the pencils, organize the pencils, sharpen the pencils, deal with the millions of pencils I envisioned strewn all over the floor nameless and homeless...the horror! However, I had fooled myself into a lull of preparedness by mapping out literally every second of the first day. Every. Single. Second. And then some of the seconds in between those seconds. And I did it. I made it through the first day of school. I was mere seconds from dismissing my class of new friends when I realized, here was a second I hadn't prepared for. After my HOURS and DAYS and WEEKS of preparation, after all of my nudity filled anxiety dreams, I had never thought about the following scenario - where the HELL was I supposed to take them at the end of the day? Seriously, how do I GET RID of them?!?!? I mean, the day went well and all but it's over. O.V.E.R. Over and I need to lay down for a bit, but they're totally still here and I don't know what to do with them.
Me: (popping head out into hallway) (looking around) (looking around) (Where IS everyone?)
Super Colleague To Be: (popping head out into hallway) (looking around) (looking around) (We make eye contact.)
Me: Uh, what are we supposed to do with them?
Her: Uh, I don't know. It's my first year too, remember? I thought YOU would know.
Me: Crap. (Okay, I didn't really say "crap"...I know better, but it's funnier.)
Her: Crap. (She didn't really say it either.)
Me: What do we do?
Her: I don't know. Line them up? Walk them downstairs?
Me: Maybe we should wait and see what the other teachers do and copy them?
Her: Good idea! Why didn't we ask about this before?
So we faked it. We faked it until we saw a more experienced teacher lead her class down stairs. And then we promptly copied her.
Hope everyone was prepared today, because like it or not WE'RE BACK!
Right?
Okay, let me explain my thinking. You see, you spend the beginning of the summer just relaxing (read: laying face down on the couch watching whatever comes on the television after The Today Show because you lack the energy to even lift the remote). Or at least I do...and if you're honest with yourself, I think you do too. This is a very necessary step in one's Recovery From The Previous Year. For me, it feels a bit like my early twenties (I'm going with this whole biological clock analogy thing...please, try to keep up...you know how I love to beat any sort of analogy/metaphor/image to death by NOW) when I knew that some sort of future awaited me in education, but it seemed all really far away...you know, in the world of Bills and Responsibility which I was fortunate enough to avoid until after college.
Then, as summer chugs along, you get to the point where you realize you should probably DO SOMETHING with your time off and presto! Out come the To Do Lists. How I love me a good To Do List filled with grand plans of organizational genius! I think I might be blushing just thinking about it! Anyhow, you realize you should do something and start frantically making plans for all your Big Projects. You list all sorts of things that you Should Have Gotten Done During The School Year but whatever, we all know those sorts of promises are almost impossible to keep. It's like my mid to late twenties - I went and got a masters degree, started teaching, went back to school for my doctorate...I mean, if that's not similar to frantically listing things like "Clean curtains" and "Make doctor's appts", I don't know what is. I was like a crazy person on a mission to educate the shit out of myself and anyone I came in contact with.
Finally, it's the end of the summer. You notice that it starts getting darker a bit earlier. Every major office supply store has commercials with joyful parents shopping for Back To School. Most of your Summer To Do List is complete, and you rationalized that the rest of the list can go screw itself because it's the end of the summer and you need to ENJOY YOURSELF. But, in the midst of all this enjoyment (read: cocktails, back to school shopping and sleeping late), you feel like something is missing. Perhaps it's the cool heft of a stapler in your hand, or the multi colored beauty that is a planner filled with big ideas and our beloved post it notes or maybe it's the sound of all your friends laughing at your latest read aloud. (Was that last one too shmaltzy? It felt a little too "awwwww" for me, but I threw it out there anyway. Admit it - you miss the kiddos!) If you admit that you've had this feeling, than you know what I mean when I say your Biological Teacher Clock is ticking.
So know we're BACK! And even though we all love to bitch and moan about going back and oh, my alarm clock and I hate commuting, and is it always this much work...we also love getting back to it because we are ready. And we are addicted to school. And maybe office supplies, but that could just be me. Whatever, we are stapled, papered, labeled, planned and back-up planned. We have mapped out bathroom policies, homework routines and read alouds. We have a vision of the first few weeks, a plan for the rest of the fall, a goal for where we are going. We have a PURPOSE! (insert fist pumping and high-fiving here)
In honor of the FIRST DAY BACK for many of us and in the name of BEING PREPARED (Because I learned pretty quickly to have a back up plan for the back up plan and so many tricks in my tool belt that it was ridiculous...not one moment was to go unplanned or unattended! Although really, what's with the tool belt metaphor? Like that would ever match my fabulous back to school outfit...), I have a fun story from my first year when I was, well, not prepared. (I know, can you even imagine? Me? Not prepared....insanity! But it happened...once.)
I should have known it wasn't going to go well after spending several hours crying over pencils - how to handle the pencils, organize the pencils, sharpen the pencils, deal with the millions of pencils I envisioned strewn all over the floor nameless and homeless...the horror! However, I had fooled myself into a lull of preparedness by mapping out literally every second of the first day. Every. Single. Second. And then some of the seconds in between those seconds. And I did it. I made it through the first day of school. I was mere seconds from dismissing my class of new friends when I realized, here was a second I hadn't prepared for. After my HOURS and DAYS and WEEKS of preparation, after all of my nudity filled anxiety dreams, I had never thought about the following scenario - where the HELL was I supposed to take them at the end of the day? Seriously, how do I GET RID of them?!?!? I mean, the day went well and all but it's over. O.V.E.R. Over and I need to lay down for a bit, but they're totally still here and I don't know what to do with them.
Me: (popping head out into hallway) (looking around) (looking around) (Where IS everyone?)
Super Colleague To Be: (popping head out into hallway) (looking around) (looking around) (We make eye contact.)
Me: Uh, what are we supposed to do with them?
Her: Uh, I don't know. It's my first year too, remember? I thought YOU would know.
Me: Crap. (Okay, I didn't really say "crap"...I know better, but it's funnier.)
Her: Crap. (She didn't really say it either.)
Me: What do we do?
Her: I don't know. Line them up? Walk them downstairs?
Me: Maybe we should wait and see what the other teachers do and copy them?
Her: Good idea! Why didn't we ask about this before?
So we faked it. We faked it until we saw a more experienced teacher lead her class down stairs. And then we promptly copied her.
Hope everyone was prepared today, because like it or not WE'RE BACK!
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