She showed you her WHAT??!?
My kids came back from recess today and one of my girls was conspicuously missing from my line. I say conspicuously because she NEVER STOPS TALKING and therefore is hard to miss. It is common practice for our vice principal to lash out sporadically (meaning they have no system…watch out my little friends, you never know when it’s coming!!) at students for relatively minor infractions (i.e. She is pissed that she didn’t get enough sleep last night, woke up with her weave horribly askew again, and has been too tired to sit in her office and read the NY Post cover to cover like she usually does…) and send them to a kindergarten classroom and then conveniently fail to inform the teacher (I mean, who am I? Why would I need to know where my class is?). So, I didn’t think much of it. After all, A. didn’t get lost on my watch.
So my little cherubs dutifully file back to their seats and wait quietly for their tables to be called for a water break before we continue on with our day. I’m getting some paper ready for my poetry lesson (which of course was brilliant!!) when J. comes up to me, looking wide eyed and oddly shell shocked. I’m thinking, “what the hell happened at recess??” Normally my little J-dog is a super cute little thing with big brown eyes. He is NAUGHTY AS HELL outside of the classroom (seriously, he kicked the vice principal – Ms. Weavalicious- in the shins one day and told her to F*** off. Good boy!! I mean, how terrible…) but I have a soft spot for him and we have an understanding. He understands I think he is fabulous and therefore he is an angel for me. (I love you J!!)
J: A is in the office.
Me: Really? What did she do? (In my head: you are so cute!!)
J: She…she…um, showed her (Jonathan’s eyes are darting around)
Me: Her bottom? (Are you jealous? I mean, can you say “bottom” at work with a
completely straight face??)
Me: Did she…pull up her shirt?
I start to think that maybe Ms. Weavalicious might have actually had just cause to keep my friend A. Just what did she show? OH. NO. Not her… Really?
Me: J, did she show her privates?
J: (looking thoroughly horrified that he just heard me refer to “privates”): Yes.
She pulled her panties over.
EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!! She did WHAT? Who does that?? She pulled her underpants over and showed little boys her vag?? They SO did not show me how to handle this when I was getting certified. Where was the chapter called What To Do When Children Expose Themselves Indecently On the Jungle Gym?? Did I miss that reading?
J: It was gross.
Me: Yea. (Well done!! You handled that beautifully!! IDIOT, you need to say something
to this poor boy!! I take a deep breath, summon up the courage and say…)
Why don’t you get some water, sweetie?