Thursday, January 3, 2008

Here A Penis, There A Penis...Everywhere A...Well, You Know The Rest

If you are a regular reader of my blog, congratulations.

Was that out loud?

What I meant was, if you are a regular reader of my blog, you know that I have some serious field trip woes. From "canceled" buses (a.k.a. no one ordered the flipping bus) to administrative "snafus" (read giant, giant idiotic moves that surpass all imagination)...I have seen it all.

Friends, today I have topped them all.

Old Weavalicious is on a art binge. She is all about us making time for art, since we don't have an art teacher...or art supplies. But I guess that's just a technicality. For her.

She's lucky that I happen to LOVE doing art with my class. So I'm more than happy to take advantage of the extra time in our schedule. Evidently, Weavalicious' new flavor of the month is sending us to museums. Which, in theory, is a fabulous idea.

However...

Today we went to a large art museum in our city (Ha ha!! You thought I was going to give away where I teach...). The museum had sent the Weave a map and the corresponding teacher materials outlining a tour that would give children the opportunity to see a variety of animal statues from around the world.

Well, that's not all they had the opportunity to see.

And in all honesty, I can't blame this all on the Weave alone. (gasp) I've been to the museum before, years ago, and if I thought about it, I would have remembered that certain rooms were (from the 8 year old child's perspective of course) simply a field of...

penises.

(Penii?? Hmm....)

Yes, as we walked through the Greek and Roman statues on our way to see a sculpture of a lion, we passed beneath penis after glorious penis. Smooth bare behinds and perky bosoms completed the whole experience.

With one swift, expert "teacher look" (a.k.a. Look O' Death) I silenced the wave of laughter that erupted from my line, forcing my class to walk through the World Of European Penis silently. They all looked like their heads were going to explode.

Before our official stop at the lion, we had a brief chat about how the human body is often considered to be a piece of art and aren't we proud of ourselves that we can appreciate that art like adults, without laughing???

They seemed to pick up what I was putting down.

The rest of the trip was fairly uneventful, although I couldn't help but notice the wide eyes, occasional snorts, and swallowed bursts of laughter as we continued our tour.

And, I'll be damned, when we made our way over to the African art exhibits, they got bigger.

Huh.

14 comments:

17 (really 15) more years said...

Wait- what got bigger- the kids' eyes or the penii?

Mimi said...

The penii.

:)

Tense Teacher said...

Wow! Penises and g-strings right in a row! I thought I was visiting a teacher's blog... not a porn blog!

(You are so earning your halo and wings and sainthood.)

Mimi said...

Just trying to spice it up...

:)

jewelz916 said...

I once took my class of first graders to the zoo for our field trip. Knowing full well that the monkeys would be going at it every two seconds, we managed to get through that particular exhibit without much problem. I didn't expect to have an issue in the reptile house...however, right there in front of my entire class two TORTOISES were getting it on! I was dumbfounded....you can't really HIDE a freaking sex-crazed tortoise! Bless one little girl's heart...she came up with the perfect reason for this to be occuring....she said, "Oh look, Mrs. Blank, that turtle is so tired that the other one is giving him a piggy back ride. That's nice, isn't it?" I could have kissed her little misguided head...the entire class then went on about how we should all help friends in need.

Kim said...

Laughing too hard for words!

The Science Goddess said...

I hope you used this teachable moment to explain that it's not the size of the art, it's what you do with it, etc.

17 (really 15) more years said...

OMG science goddess, that is the funniest excuse for a teachable moment I have ever heard! I almost fell off my puter chair I was laughing so hard.

Jen Barney said...

crack me up honestly...

Anonymous said...

Think of this trip as a "how to" for the babies the Christmas gift is going to help you with. Just when I thought I could not laugh any harder. I send you blog to my teacher friends cause they so GET IT!!

Mimi said...

Science Goddess...
I totally snorted my coffee!! Hysterical!

Thanks for reading everyone...hope next week is just as interesting!

Cathy said...

Wow!!! I don't think I would have been able to make it through the hall without laughing...glad it happened to you so we could all read about it...Hope your break was good...are you counting down to spring break yet?

cbh said...

haha! hysterical! i think i just peed on myself.

Anonymous said...

It's a little late commenting but I teach in the "school year" and then work at a camp during the summer. The field trip stories, 2 to 3 a week. Bus drivers getting lost, not picking us up on time, "what I was supposed to bring a lunch?" I could write a book. Thank you for making me laugh.

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