Tuesday, December 2, 2008

My Kingdom For A Parking Space - The Grand Finale

A while back I wrote about the great Parking Wars of 2008 and how our current union representative was as helpful and well, representative of us as a pile of poo. Yea, I said it. If you haven’t yet read those posts, shame on you...but now is you opportunity to go and catch up. We’ll wait...

Long story short, I found it horrifying that not only would I be expected to work in an environment in which 85% of the adults make my job harder, but now I would get to add the joy of searching for parking prior to dealing with said adults. Now I have been one to cruise the block when a good Kanye song comes on, but please, EVERY morning? Uh, no. Just no.

So after much turmoil, bouts of high blood pressure, gossiping and general unprofessional-ness, the parking passes arrived, and in a move of sheer brilliance our principal, The Visionary, laid the smack down on a bunch of douche bags who lied, cheated and stole their way to a new parking pass. Well, they still got passes, but I’m hoping at the very least that they are embarrassed.

Let me back up a bit and explain. When we requested passes at our B.S. meeting with our union representative, we had to submit our names, addresses, and estimated daily mileage. This genius plan resulted in allegedly mature adults lying about possessing a driver’s license, pretending that they own cars and pulling numbers of miles out of their you-know-whats. We even uncovered a plot put in place by our very own union representative so that she would be ensured a parking pass despite the fact that she lives a whopping .5 miles from school. (She had one of the classroom aides request a pass FOR her because this particular woman lives about a billion miles from school, but is dropped off by her husband every day as she does not possess a license herself. Conveniently, we were not require to prove that we hold a valid driver’s license or actually own a car when we requested a parking pass. Perhaps because The Visionary expected everyone to conduct themselves like rational adults...dumbass. I know that sounds harsh, but it had to be said...I mean, he should know better by now. These are the same people who stuff free rolls into their pockets at staff luncheons and excuse their laziness on the job with the Magical Phrase of Losers Everywhere: “that’s not in my contract.” What did he expect them to do??)

Day after day we awaited the arrival of the passes and the culmination of our petty drama. And lo and behold, they arrived (from where, I don’t know... don’t even ask me to get started on that one) and we were all emailed The List of the Lucky 17. In case you are holding your breath, I did get a parking pass. (Go get a cocktail and celebrate...again, we’ll wait. I can always wait for a good champagne coolie or whatever it is you are drinking these days.)

However, in an interesting twist of events, everyone was actually exposed for what an asshat they really are because along with names of the Lucky 17, The Visionary also sent around a chart which included the names of everyone who requested a pass, their REPORTED mileage, their ACTUAL mileage and, my favorite column, the DIFFERENCE between those two numbers.

Shut the front door! (My new favorite expression and way out of cursing...it works best when yelled emphatically. Go on, try it. Feels good, right?)

To give you an example of the glaring d-bag-ness that was revealed, one individual reported that she lives 55 miles away, when in fact her distance from school is a mere 22 miles. Wrong double digits, sweetheart. Another one of my favorites was the group of people who requested a pass, yet live less than one mile from school. LESS THAN ONE MILE. (Go ahead, yell it – SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!)

To wrap it all up, I got a pass. And so did our union representative. (She argued that her seniority was more salient than the fact that some of our newer teachers live 40 or more miles from school.) What can we take away from this little saga? For me, it just shows that small victories are worth celebrating (champagne coolies for everyone...I can still drive to work!) and that there will always be herds of d-bags with whom I will have to deal. But at least sometimes...rare times, EVERYone can see just what d-nuts they really are.

16 comments:

Cathy said...

Good for you and woo hoo on the chart! That's awesome! Did anyone actually make comments after seeing the chart?

And I love the new phrase...I had one in college, but it did not end with the front door...it was still kind of clean...but always took people by surprise.

Tracy said...

That is awesome! I love how those people were called out on their crap.

Pissed Off said...

I still say passes should be rotated, regardless of where you live.

People who live far can always park and take a bus like the people who live close are expected to do.

Congrats on getting your pass.

Mimi said...

I hear what you are saying Pissed Off, but when people live out of state, it seems a little silly to not give them a pass or expect them to share. Although, it is totally their choice to live in a different state, you can't take away parking privileges once the year has already begun and people have made their decisions based on the assumption that they CAN drive to work.

But thanks for the congrats and thanks for reading!! Hope your bus ride isn't too long!! The bus has definitely given me road rage in the past- and I'm not even driving it!!

ChiTown Girl said...

Congrats! The chart is awesome. I wish I could have seen the reactions of the liars first-hand!

Chebrutta said...

Your coworkers are hilarious... I swear, with the mentality of a lot of teachers, it's more like GOING to school than WORKING at a school! Congrats on the parking pass!

Rebecca Bell, Ph.D. said...

Holla! Victory is so sweet! Every morning when you pull into your spot you can know that you earned it! ;)

Chapati said...

Hahaha!

Hope they were very very embarrased :o)

hudd said...

Lovin' your blog! You've been tagged :)

http://laurensadventuresinteaching.blogspot.com/2008/12/tag-im-it.html

R said...

Wow, people are ridiculous, huh? I live 5 miles from my school (where NO ONE has a parking pass!). I choose to drive because it gets me to school five times faster than public transportation, even though parking is horrendous, but I would NEVER expect a parking pass over my colleagues who live on Long Island!

Nancy said...

holy crap--your principal calculated everyone's actual mileage??? wtf? I mean it's brilliant, but that's a whole lot of time putting addresses into mapquest. really--it sounds like he could use that time doing some other stuff...but it is brilliant, nonetheless.

I hate the idea that seniority should get people special favors. if anything, the senior folks should be MORE together and thus need LESS time in the morning, and they can use that time to park.

and that is said as someone who's been in it for almost 20 years.

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