Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Final Showdown (For This Year At Least)

(Before I begin...totally sorry for not posting in ten days. Even after eight years, the last days of school always manage to knock me flat!! All the filing, organizing, grading....oh my! While at first glance, one might think, "Mrs. Mimi, you totally heart organizing and such" and you would not be wrong. However, at the end of the year, everything is so in your face and dominated by an urgent countdown of days left...it renders me fully catatonic (read: insane bitch). I have missed you though, my friends, I have missed you.)

Now that we have gotten that out of the way...

Get this. Last Friday I was absent. I know, I know...I am kind of a d-bag for being absent at The End, but I had a wedding related event. I am a bridesmaid and I take my duties quite seriously. Anyhow, I was absent, get over it. Another "teacher" (read: the dreaded kind out of the classroom person who is used to five free periods a day and therefore horrified when asked to work a full day) covered my room while I was gone. This "teacher" also happens to be all buddy-buddy with a certain Bacon Hunter.

(insert ominous music here)

Together they are like the Dynamic Douche Duo...two useless souls banded together in their pursuit of ways to slack off and not do any actual work. Basically, they are everything that is wrong with the public education system. I'm sure when they found out one of them would be posted in my room for the day, their first thought was, "I have to, um, DO stuff today?", their second thought was, "How will I eat a bacon, egg and cheese in front of the children?" and their third thought was, "Jackpot."

You see, I am a rock star. I work with other rock stars otherwise known as my Super Colleagues. And we have a little something I like to call the Binder of Everything That is Important...or the Binder Del Mundo. This binder is filled, literally brimming with genius. Original rubrics, engaging lesson plans, authentic assessments...seriously it is H-O-T with a capital brilliant! The Bacon Hunter has been trying FOR YEARS to get her little bacon-grease covered paws on this gem because it would be a) something she could/would take false credit for and b) a vehicle to do even less work than she already does.

Ever the consummate professionals, we have been hiding the Binder Del Mundo in locked closets for years. You know, because we're collaborative? We're safety conscious? We're jerks? Whatever. I, personally, take part in the Binder Protection Plan because this woman adds absolutely NOTHING to our conversation and while I will share anything with anyone in the name of bettering our practice, I refuse to share anything...not even a scrap of paper with this woman. (Ooooo....I sound a smidge angry, don't you think? I heard bitter equals wrinkles...I better watch out!)

You still with me? Okay. So I'm absent on Friday and the Bacon Hunter takes the opportunity to buddy up with her partner in crime and ransack through my cabinets while my kids are in the room and they should probably be, oh, I don't know, attending to them or something. Let me say this again, so you can react fully and thoroughly. THEY RANSACKED THROUGH MY THINGS....MY CABINETS, MY FILES, MY SHELVES. I am assuming they were in hot pursuit of the Brilliant Binder. Um, so holla that I lock it up in a move of shockingly juvenile spite, right?

I come to work on Monday and several adult sources, along with a group of horrified students, told me of Fridays events. At first, I was all, "whatever...they stink...they didn't find it." But as the day wore on, I was more like, "WTF?! They went through my ROOM?!? I mean, I know it doesn't technically BELONG to me, but it is MY SPACE. My KINGDOM. It is the only oasis I have at work." In short, I became fairly pissed. And it was then that I thought to myself, "Self, you can not roll over and take this. There are five days left in the school year, so why not have a good old confrontation?"

Fast forward to me showing up in her office.

Me: Um, so did you find all my math supplies in proper order?
Her: What are you talking about?
Me: When you went through all my things...on Friday..when I wasn't here.
Her: I would NEVER do that.
Me: But you did.
Her: Well...(Insert me holding up my hand here, stopping her in mid sentence. This is a move I learned from Big Mama Mimi when I was a teenager who may have, you know, mouthed off occasionally. It used to make me so mad when she would cut me off like that, that I would imagine snapping her hand off. However, fifteen years later...very effective.)
Me: Stop. I have been listening to you all year. Now, listen to me. Don't go through my classroom. Ever. Never. If you need something, have the professional courtesy to ASK. I know we don't always get along but I would NEVER go through your desk because I am not a sneaky, unprofessional person. Please show me the same respect. This will not happen again.
Her: You need to...
Me: Nope. No talking. (Cut to me turning on my fabulous heel - love you Nine West outlet near my grocery store! - and walked out of her office.)

So maybe it wasn't the smack down you were envisioning. Maybe I should have just popped her.

34 comments:

Division 4 said...

Absolutely LOVE it! You go girl! I wish I had the guts ;)

SimonsSays said...

This is making my eyelid twitch, I am SO irritated by these actions! But on a brighter note, thanks for FBing that there was something new :). Love your blog!

KCL said...

Anytime someone starts a sentence with "you need to" it is absolutely time to walk the flip away. Good use of the "stopping hand." I applaud your calmness and courage. I don't know that I would have remained as such, especially with my heat-vision and flame-breath super powers. It's tough to keep those in check.

KCL said...

P.S. It's time to get ninja on their asses and find a vault for the binder. Think poison trip-wire, laser beams, and an alarm system.

Angela said...

I am thinking that a decoy binder filled with old left over copies and wasted paper (like all of her memos) is in order. If you want, tuck in a slice or two of bacon. She will find it, I'm sure.

WackyMummy said...

Your professionalism rocks the world. Nothing like putting her in her place by treating her sneaky juvenile behavior with the respect it deserved: none. You got it right: act like a kid, expect someone with sense to call you on it. Good for you!

J said...

OMeffinG, rock ON! Yesssss!! Way to go calling that lazy b***** on her BS! LOVE!!

And also, big huge congratulations on the end of the year!

Lucy said...

I LOVE your blog. As a classroom teacher for ten years and a substitue teacher for the past 5... I really relate to what you write.

This entry by far was one of your best! I may have to use that hand motion in the future!

ChiTown Girl said...

You go, Girlfriend!!! Reading this just put the biggest smile on my face! I would have just smacked the bitch, so it's a good thing that you are so much more professional!!

Claire said...

that's awesome. sounds like a moment many teachers only dream of.

Shani said...

Holy crap, Mrs. Mimi, you rock the house!

jbuttars said...

I just love it!

My personal fave moment of the year happened to today when my principal decided that the perfect time to sit and edit the Code of Conduct would be during the middle of the orchestra assembly.

Not to be outdone, one of the other teachers brought his rollie chair, laptop, extension cord and iphone to keep himself busy during said assembly.

Danielle said...

GO Mimi! I cannot tell you how many times I envisioned myself having a very similar confrontation but not having the guts to do so!

rach :) said...

Ms. Mimi, I so totally heart you! You rock!

Happy Summer!

Tortuga said...

*standing ovation*

Well played, Mimi, very well played. Way to keep your cool and fight for your right to personal space without stooping to her level.

Maestro said...

You're my hero

17 (really 15) more years said...

I think you should have bitch slapped her- but that's just me.

I can top that- how about the colleague who gets my activities from one of my students and then, on a regular basis, pawns them off as her own. Every week.

Miss Teacha said...

Like Maestro said, "you're my hero!" For real, girl! Thanks for a GREAT end of year story.

Melissa said...

Totally shoulda gone with the bitch slap!

Good on you for putting this woman in her place.

Happy Summer :)

BeachTeach said...

Right on! I really enjoy reading your blog! I think every school might have a snoop. You rock!

Rebecca said...

Take that! I wish you had also snapped your fingers three times in her face in a zig-zag fashion or dropped a mike at her feet, just for extra emphasis. :)

Yea summer!!!

MissM said...

I will take note on your bravery. Someday, oh someday, I will take courage and do that too! Good end of year story!

Alyssa said...

way to go Mrs. Mimi! I really would love to smack my own bacon hunter (oh yes, I have one too!)

Meredith said...

LOVE IT!!!! Please don't leave us for the summer. I'm sure something will happen that you need to tell us about. Keep on bloggin girl!!!!

superstargenius said...

Wow....good for you! I can't believe someone would have the nerve to go through your things in front of the class and then not even fess up.

CherylG said...

absolute perfection!
I bet the kids couldn't wait to rat them out when you returned:)

and I love Angela's idea about a decoy binder...priceless!

Emily said...

Way to go, Mimi! I'm glad you put the bacon hunter back in her place, which is probably at the meat counter of your local super market. ;)

Congratulations on making it through the school year! It never ceases to amaze me how LATE your school year goes...yikes! But now you can have a fabulous summer!

LaughterHappens said...

It was better than the smack down I envisioned.... Way to go!

Dingo said...

Here I sit with my jaw agape that she would actually rifle through your things and clapping because you called her out on it in such spectacular fashion. I'm going to have to remember The Hand.

miss bioteacher said...

Nice!

A similar thing happened to me a month or so ago. A sub went through all of my things... reorganized my desk (everything was in ridiculous neat little rows)... moved my computer (I'm not even allowed to move the computer!)... moved all of my papers, some of which I couldn't find until it was too late... and then, to top it at all off, attached a letter to my sub plans, asking for a letter of recommendation - she even went so far as to write things she does that teachers remember, like going through their things and "cleaning" for them

um hello, crazy lady? yes, hi. I don't like it when people go through my things and I can't find anything for a month. Grr, I always wished I could've said something to her, but better off I guess is the fact that I haven't seen her around. Eesh.

ashlie elizabeth: said...

I adore this blog! I'm in my 3rd year of public school teaching and honestly upset that I only found this now. I can't wait to follow along in 2009-2010!!

J said...

Great teacher web site! You tell it like it is.... kudos to you.

You have all my support! Am going to add your site later today to my blog list on the teacher tool web site i maintain at http://www.educationreporting.com/#blogs

.... am looking forward to networking with you,

Steu Mann, M. Ed.
twitter: cathriving

The Creative Lady said...

OMG! I've coined my administrators the "Undynamic Duo"! It must be contagious! Teachers are so connected. I will add you to my Google Reader! Love your blog!

Ginger Snaps said...

No, the "talk to the hand" was AWESOME! Damn. I need some balls...

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