Schools are amazing places. So many exciting things happen in schools and if you are a Super Nerd like myself, all that learning and list making gives you the chills. In a good way. A very good, very nerdy way.
However (and you had to know that with me there is ALWAYS a "however"), schools are also hotbeds for drama of all sorts. Yes, there childhood drama of losing teeth, friends and homework, but I am referring to the adult drama. The drama of gossip, backstabbing, poor work ethic, cliques, long To Do lists and never having enough time to even go to the bathroom...for the love of God, all we want is one moment to pee in peace! (And in my current state, I have renewed respect for all my pregnant teacher friends out there...how you do it is beyond me.)
I mean, has this every happened to you? You're in the middle of your day, having a rushed conversation with It Doesn't Matter when:
Other Person: So you need to have those assessments done by Friday.
What You Want to Say: I'm going to punch you in the face if you add one more freaking thing to my plate. You wanna assess something? Well, assess this! (Insert gesture of your choice.)
What You Really Say: Sure, no problem.
So, this Friday's list is dedicated to the drama of my former colleagues, because sadly they can't all be Super Colleagues. And since you can't always say what you think in a professional setting, let me say it in a post.
We'll just go with the top five. Again, I picked these five, because they evoked the most amount of reaction from all of you in the form of comments. (And I'm not ashamed to say that comments make my freaking day.) (No pressure.)
Drum roll please! And in no particular order, I present you with the highlights of ridiculousness that can be (and usually is) part of working in a public school. (Although if I could do it all again, I would do it in a heartbeat.) (I have problems.)
1. My Kingdom for a Parking Space was a very popular post. I think because it struck a chord of ridiculousness on so many levels. On the biggest level, the Department of Education decided to drastically reduce the amount of parking permits issued to each school with little to no consideration of HOW THE HELL WE WERE ALL SUPPOSED TO GET TO WORK. This decision came in October, when we were all firmly entrenched in our routines and DID NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS CRAP. On a school level, this story exposes tales of deceit, tales of laziness and tales of general idiocy. And a good time was had by all.
2. Sound Logic? is a tale of how some people love to hide behind The System. You know, they make a major mistake that is totally fixable and probably best for the student but would mean a great deal of paperwork and perhaps an awkward conversation sooooooo, instead said person chooses to blame The System. Complete with eye rolling and a defeated posture, this argument can be very convincing at first, until you SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT FOR THE BULLSHIT THAT IT IS.
3. This Just In reminds us of the ways in which school spending can be so very jacked up. It is also a wonderful tribute to that spectacle we often refer to as The Dog and Pony Show. (Worth clicking on if you have a minute and a cocktail to sip on.) (Who am I kidding? These links are ALL worth clicking on, because they are the BEST.)
4. It's Getting Hot In Here is a delightful story of sweating. You see, many people think of teachers as "complainers." I like to think of us more as "Critical Friends." Whatever. Either way, I did not see the harm in mentioning to the janitorial staff (read: anyone who will freaking listen) that it was 90 degrees in my classroom. In the winter.
5. The Final Showdown Did you really think I was going to have a List Mania about some of my more challenging-to-get-along-with colleagues and not include a story about the Bacon Hunter? 'Cuz that would be insane. Um, hello? Bane of my professional existence much?
What You Really Want to Say: Mrs. Mimi is so hilarious, I want to fan her on Facebook.
What You Really Say:
(Oh who are we kidding, you said that last one out loud, didn't you?)